random thoughts of a tapered brain

Posts tagged “kenya

hypocrisy should be kept concealed. It’s an ugly ogre!

Davos (Switzerland) - The Brazilian writer Pau...

Image via Wikipedia

“There’s something very wrong with civilization, and it isn’t the destruction of the Mau forest or the ozone layer, the death of pandas, cigarettes carcinogenic foodstuffs or prison conditions…” Paulo Coelho.

Editors Note: replace the Mau with Amazon rainforest.

In his book 11 minutes, the author wrote in reference to the act of sex. through Maria, the prostitute, he wonders why the world revolves around an activity that if you strip off the time spent on taking off clothes, making fake gestures of affection, banal conversations, the after-shower and dressing up ; coitus (I have always wanted to use this word – ok, spare me the stares. I get enough judging elsewhere) only last eleven minutes.

I’m no Chris Hart so I pick up the baton from the point”…very wrong with civilization” and go off on a different tangent.

So Mr Ruto was greeted like a warrior back from battle, he was our present day Leonidas after he slay the Persian god Xerxes and was returning to his Spartan home. Furiously shaking my head!!

Apparently its snitch season in Kenya so if you hold any grudge against anybody, spill the beans now or forever hold your peace. Ruto and Kiunjuri have gone ahead.

The latter makes for good comedy – mind you he was a teacher before landing in the MPig-sty. My heart goes out to those students. If at all the queens language came by ship, Mr Honourable picked the wrong container.

Editors Note: Focus, don’t be subjective. Stick to the plot and stop skipping scenes.

Enter Mama Rainbow and her godfather Raila Amolo Odinga.

Humanity is indeed defined by hypocrisy, double-standards and selfishness. Yes, something is wrong with our peoples; and it’s not sex-related.

But who died and made thecoloseum the morality policeman? Nobody did. I am stacked together with the rest of mankind; looking out for themselves, seeking to get the most by giving the least.

All the people who went to meet Ruto should be rounded up and checked in for mental check-ups. I guess they were there to show support for their hero who was being “persecuted” by the media and tried in the public court.

Enough literature has been written and words uttered to try demystify the reason for his trip to meet the world’s representation of justice; Ocampo.

After all the noise had died down, it became apparent that Ruto may not have met face to face with Mr Justice but met his kada-ya-moko’s as he went off to London.

But one thing is clear; Ruto is shaking in his boots. At some point he seemed at the verge of tears. (Don’t cry for me Argentinaaaaa). The spear-shaking warrior’s foundation was rocked by whatever he was told at The Hague.

I won’t delve into the allegations that Ruto has made against the KNCHR commissioner. This is just one of those games where a new development will tip the scale this way and that way in a vicious cycle. I will sit this one out.

My nozzle then shifts to RAO. Dude, I have immense admiration for you (new found, in fact it’s still in its infant stage – do not kill it) but who appointed you Ngilu’s godfather?

This full-throttle support and your discovery that some of the allegations against politicians may be malice-driven come a bit too late. Why did you not do the same with Ruto and Wetangula.

C’mon sir, hypocrisy at all times should be kept well concealed. It’s an ugly ogre!

The energy with which you have come to Mama Rainbow’s defence stinks of double standards.

WACHA MAMA ABEBE SHIDA ZAKE!!

Go and oversee other ministries; hers is in the mud already; literally!

I don’t care much for politicians and in the event that I end up as one, do not waste too much empathy on me. Believe me that is wasted emotion!

No politician has your interests at heart. It’s just how they are wired and that is the system we found ourselves in.

Some individuals, who are long dead, somewhere sat down, looked at the rest of their community and decided that they (the hopeless and uninformed) needed a “single body” to lead them and make decisions for them. Governments were born and we were forever cursed with politicians.

Something is indeed wrong with humanity, but we are stuck with it.


Don’t Drop The Soap, William

 

moreno - imma getchu

 

 

Riley Freeman, we need you. We have a snitch amongst us. The name of the transgressor is Stepped Aside Minister William Ruto (MP).

I have friends who had sworn they would grow horns before Ruto steps on Ocampo’s hallowed ground. Others swore that it would only happen in the distant future – 300 years at the least. Well, the unthinkable happened; dude is in Netherlands.

Cue Shaggy’s song…..It wasn’t me. For those of you on Twirra, check out the hash tag #rutoplaylist. It’s been trending worldwide since morning. I think Kenya is the cradle of (crazy) mankind. Check it out.

There is this pungent smell of revolution, national cleansing and a renewed fight against corruption that has filled our airspace. This is me NOT COMPLAINING.  Our president Kibaki believes those who “eat” the taxpayers’ money are wasting oxygen. He thinks death is the most generous punishment they can get…hmmmm. (Random thoughts of opening a coffin business)

I totally love this “new Kenya” – except the retarded women who performed an equally retarded, possessed dance for PLO in Mombasa. No, Lumumba does not do crazy. He prefers letters and emails. Get ua sane on women…you make the rest of your kind look bad.

It was an open secret that Waki’s envelope had Williams name as the stamp and seal.  He was going to see the big man even if Rooney actually left Manchester and joined some nondescript team like chelsea. But everybody was caught flat with his latest move.

He just up and left.

Mr Ruto, who does that, weren’t you taught better? People don’t just shift countries like thieves. Ata kwaheri jameni!!  There is a huge chance this is a one way trip!

When interrogating suspects, policemen usually assume two opposing roles; good cop and bad cop.

Bad cop does all the chest-thumping and dishing out threats in their hundreds. An occasional slap and kick here and there is also not strange. If this doesn’t work, the Good cop enters the room, tells off Mr I will-blend-your-balls–if-you-don’t-tell-me-where-you-hid-the-gun and then in a calm, saner tone reassures the shaken fellow that all will be ok.

This is the guy William Ruto is talking to. The good cop still cuffs the bloke after he confesses. The only difference is that he is more humane in his tactics.

What in Ocampo’s face resembles good intention, honestly? Especially that picture that’s used repeatedly in the dailies with him staring (at some distant image of Ruto in cuffs) away seemingly in deep thought.

The hidden hand has cuffs with your name engraved in them)

I have met snitches in my life. I have been accused of being one, that was way back in high school. Silly young men!

But you Sir, not once did not come across as a tello-teller (that’s not a real word), ever! But as they say, nothing on the face can reveal the fullness of the heart.

Here is free advice from a man who has not been to Hague and holds not aspirations of occupying the white house on the hill. Ocampo is your enemy! Moreno is your nemesis! He will smoke you! He will take you to the cleaners and back! Take the next flight home and say that you were recalled for CIVIC DUTY! (it always works)

Hold up, I don’t like you. So I should be happy that in your twisted way of defining danger, you skipped Moreno. SMH.

Secondly, the PEV affected many innocent Kenyans whose only crime was having voters’ cards. I should be happy.

Ok, engage happy face , cue star jumps, cat wheels next. Woooohoo. (I should go back to work, hii leave itaniharibu)

Reason and the left side of my brain dictate that everybody is presumed/assumed to be innocent until proven guilty – unless you’re Onyancha of course.

So, go ahead and have your secret meeting with the wolf in sheep’s clothing (Sheep wear clothes?), just make sure you don’t stay too far away from the door.

In case he make sudden moves forward, RUN and don’t look back, you might turn into a pillar headed straight for lockdown. If this happens, DON’T DROP THE SOAP, Charles Taylor is on block D; BEFRIEND HIM, but don’t accept his diamonds. In case you do, DO NOT DROP THE SOAP!!!

 

dont drop the soap

 

 

Also, tap the floor before taking steps forward. I hear Ocampo is a tech-junkie; I wouldn’t put trap doors and underground chambers beyond him.

That’s all for now, Mister Snitch, sorry Minister Stepped Aside William Ruto.

Signed, the fan you do not have!

Back to the #rutoplaylist


the drama continues *cue parliamentary proceedings*

as is wait for Foreign Affairs Minister Moses Wetang’ula’s hour of reckoning at Parliament, I can’t help but wonder where our country is headed to. could the time where corruption and impunity is arrested be nigh?

Could the Kenya where Ministers, Members of parliament and public servants who have for ages held this country hostage treating it as their personal cash cows be here?

is it possible that the “grave” situation that Mayor Majiwa has dug himself into be the preamble to kenyan’s burying their impunity past and marching on to the second republic?

William Ruto and his presidential ambitions. what to say? as much as I believe the expediency in which he was suspended and consequently arraigned in court today is getting a external shove, if we separate issues, and if indeed he stashed some of the public’s money, then we don’t mind if Raila himself dons a wig and calls for order in the court!!!!

the three cases currently headlining our news may be the beginning of something diffrent for Kenya.

Or is it just wishful thinking? a case of counting our chicks before they hatch?

Time will judge us right or wrong!!! For now, the drama continues.

*cue parliamentary proceedings*

kenya parliament


Who will restore sanity??????

 

nyayo stadium

 

 

Just like an aging piece of furniture that has outlived its usefulness. Just like a bad song that is on loop by your favourite radio station. That is the story of soccer management in the country; a tired tune.

Editorials have been written of the same, readers have written letters to the editors on the same. We have been treated to numerous television talk shows and radio call-ins complaining on how run down management of football in Kenya is being/already run down. Opinion pieces with the theme “to hell with FKL” are our staple diet now.

Why bother dive into an overcrowded arena with this article? Well, for some people to change their poise, some violence is paramount. And for this senile institution of self-serving individuals to pack up; this is our form of violence. Words are our weapons and coverage being our battlefield.

Kenya has never been a force to reckon when it came to international football competitions.

Our current world ranking on the FIFA/Coca-Cola standing is 115 while across the continent we are at 29. Our best show was in December 2008 when we were 68. That year also happens to be the same when we gained the most positions; 23.

We have at times pulled off some amazing upsets but more often than not, we have fallen to some mediocre teams causing us upsets. The latest Guinea Bissau loss leaving a sour aftertaste that we are now all too familiar with.

I will not mention the Uganda Cranes match.

Even before the ink dried on all the commentaries calling for the FKL and KFF fellows to seek alternative employment, the unimaginable happened at Nyayo Stadium.

7 enthusiastic fans died and scores others were injured following a stampede just before the floodlit Gor Mahia vs AFC Leopards match started on Saturday.

As soon as pictures of those who perished and those nursing injuries started streaming in they sent the country into collective gloom and thought. How could this happen? What are the parents, relatives and friends of those who perished going through? How could a soccer march turn tragic?

Soccer matches are typically an emotional affair. Soccer is an international language. Soccer is the reason warring guerrilla factions in Ivory Coast called a ceasefire after Drogba requested it.  It’s the same reason President Museveni sent half his country over to Kenya two weeks ago to cheer their nation team on.

If have not had the pleasure of going for many soccer matches, but I was in Nyayo for the Kenya Vs Uganda game.

Emotions are a real hard thing to control. When you throw in other crippling factors like alcohol, the situation is bleak at best. But passion was not the sole cause for the stampede, disorganisation was.

Referring to the organisation at the stadium as deficient is being very generous with adjectives.

Assuming no renovations have been made after the Cranes vs Harambee Stars game, my take is that Nyayo Stadium should be shut down and beat into shape.

With its capacity standing at 26,000 (FIFA’s recommended), the gates that were open to the fans were only two. Quite a feat the stadium management were trying to achieve.

Squeezing thousands of people through the least available space with time and patience tapping your back is quite an ambitious task; the barriers, blistering sun and rude policemen at hand notwithstanding.

And that red rotating gate that allows only one person in at a time. This is the only terrestrial example that comes close to the biblical analogy of going to heaven being like squeezing a camel through the eye of a needle.

And who sells tickets to such a game at the stadium, seriously? Ok, G4S may run away with the proceeds, but that’s not reason enough to ditch them.

Some of the flaws at the stadium are sore thumbs – you have to work really hard to avoid noticing them. If only the stadia management would take this dark lesson to shut and think of how to rectify things and avoid such calamities in future.

Recommendations made a while back on installing seats in place of the concrete blocks should be implemented. The stadium is still a far cry from the glory it has the ability of becoming.

If the warring factions would close shop and stop using soccer as a catapult into politics. If only persons interested in restoring our not-too-terrible soccer standards got to office.

Will this debacle that is Kenyan politics come to an end? we do not care if Government intervenes and attracts a FIFA ban.  Who will restore sanity??????

 

 


…THEY STOLE THE STADIUM, TOO…

 

 

harambee vs cranes

“For much of the world soccer has long served as a form of ritual combat onto which neighborhoods, tribes and even nations could project their most passionate enmities. “

Supporting a team perceived as the underdog is never easy. for a moment or many this past weekend, I actually empathized with Arsenal fans #Chukifm. Our Harambee Stars bear similar stripes to the North London team.

But patriotism runs deep in my being and I secured my ticket on 1st day they were available. This was after all a derby to look forward: a chance to reclaim honor in the EAC region. And their pronounced Mariga’s name wrong; that’s just unacceptable.

These guys had stolen our island and now they wanted the stadium too? Not under our watch!!

The greatest thing about soccer is that it gives you a free pass to run your mouth about “our team” and how we are going to “rest the fury of the gods” on the other team’s shoulders. “mnaweza tushinda kwa mabao, lakini kupiga domo hamtuwezi”

It doesn’t matter if you no idea what the number 7’s role on the pitch let alone what his name is. For all you care, the coach could jump in and score. All you care about are the scores.

Being a fan does not include vetting and nowhere is that clearer than at the stadium.

On the eve of the game, I had booked some hotel rooms for some pals who were crossing over from their landlocked country to on our city yellow and steal a win right under our patriotic noses. And boy did they arrive!

Six thousand noisy supporters are not a small number, especially if all of them have some tweaked, smaller version of the vuvuzela which is noisier 1000 angry elephants.

At 2am, they had turned Moi Avenue into Jinja Road punishing their vocal cords as they drove by in flag-draped cars. The buses were even more. How many buses did Museveni sponsor again? Our Chi-baki has a lot of catching up to do.

The walk to the stadium was fun. Didn’t know Nyayo stadium is really that close from town. The stares from Kenyans, who cared less if “The Stars” all suffered a simultaneous bout of Indian flu just before kickoff drilled judgmental stares at us “Are you guys really that plotless?”

Getting into the stadium was terrible. And terrible is the word of choice as I mentally grope for one that can properly describe the TORTURE!!

Turns out the tickets had been oversubscribed – FKL never ceases to amaze me. FIFA had set a limit of 26,000 fans, while we were well in excess of 40,000!!!

Back in my high school days I was well-trained in queue “jumping”, so I still got in. Next time though, I’m playing the “I’m a journalist. I’ve come to cover the game” card; that was an experience I’m not keen on reliving.

Mariga is a phenomenon. There is a reason he is at Inter and it’s not his taste in cars. He and Oliech (spaced out flashes of brilliance) seemed to understand why they were on the pitch.

The rest were simply lacking in confidence. The wasted balls and number of throw-ins Ugandans had are proof enough. “Without confidence, you are twice as F$£%*d in the race of life – and soccer matches”.

All in all, the Ugandans still managed a point…saved by the crossbar and an inspired keeper. After all the bad-mouthing, they were the winners of the day.

Let us meet in March…

 

cranes supporters

 


..Safaricom House driven inZain + Dead boring Afte..

I am bored. Ok, that’s being mild. I am very bored! It’s almost like boredom is another fellow in the room with me. I can almost see him standing there with this sneer across his cold face.

I honestly hope that i had some work to do today. It’s a fact that tomorrow when I’m swamped by stuff to do, i will miss this afternoon where I had the chance to practice the art of doing nothing.

Having gone through my entire you tube library and thought up all the old school songs that I love, i decided that stretching it past Tracy Chapman’s Crossroads and Paul Simon’s Diamonds on the soles of her shoes, I should try a different thing, and i remembered that I have a blog, and I could write something (at this moment is where i got distracted by the Borowitz report that got delivered in my inbox)

I had a heated debate with a pal of mine who works at Safaricom; I was kinda shocked at it since we have never argued in our entire friendship. But it stemmed from the constant updates I would put p concerning Safaricom and Zain.

  • .A Zain roadshow was stationed at Safaricom Hq. and they were playing Bendover for almost an hour..
  • “Suffericon is driving me inZain…” anonymous.. Kenya has haters!!!
  • .zile sim card zinawekwa nyuma ya battery leo zimeamshwa…welcome back to zain people.

She put it to me (that as far as my law lingo goes) that I was a biased blogger and facebooker! I had no reply to most of what she said because first, this was unprecedented, she actually was mad at me!! And secondly, since most of what she was telling I had more than a hint of truth in it.

She took it upon herself to take me through Safaricom 101 and sat back and listened (i had no option!!! Plus I’m bored, remember…) and detailed about how the government is using its machinery to assist some companies to the exclusion and detriment of others. Which is a bad precedent, I agree.

The Zain 3g network that is in the pipelines has got a major boost from the government in terms of slashed implementation costs and by halving thee interconnect charges, they have been handed another silver platter.  She even explained to me about the taxes levelled against them and asked; is it a crime to be Successful in Kenya?

hahahahahaha

Ok, save the slings and arrows for another forum oh ye blood bayers, but if thought out objectively, the anger that MJ had portrayed a few months ago was warranted to some extent.

They are on the wrong side of the governments bandit moves while it seems that Zain and majority of Kenyans who think that they have been oppressed for far too long by the leading operator are on the other.

Anyway, i ended the conversation (more of a monologue) and promised to practice objectivity in later pieces that i write.

zain bendover offer to safcom

So, now that i have slashed a few minutes off my loooooooong afternoon, i will beg to end there with this link showing another tough move by Rene Meza and his team. They showed up at Safaricom Hq’s in a truck and blasted the raunchy Bendover song at them……this is a new frontier in Companies battles..the choice of song leaves alot to be desired coming from a company that is supposed to be respected…they brought the heat right at safcoms doorstep..rightly so..but in that was unprofessional to say the least..


..TGIFurahiDAY…

TGIF

Got a chance to mingle with the military guys at Uhuru park today as they prep for the promulgation (kenya and the love for HUGE WORDS) of the YES constitution. Order and Discipline is their motto and seeing it so up-close had m thinking of my wardrobe…lol.(DISASTER!!!!). It’s a new dawn, a new kenya……

I’m excited about…

The price wars between Safaricom and Zain make for good entertainment. Popcorn (check) coke (check) feet raised up (check).  Now if only someone would throw in a sword or five. Let this war get bloody!!!! But got to give it up to Michael.. “Looks are deceiving” doesn’t even scratch the surface to understanding this guy….SABOTAGE??? That’s a new one Michael. Now who has peculiar habits, sir? Round went Rene’s way with the 3-1 tariff..Round to def goes to Michael.The ref CCK seems to be backing the former….

pitia westy and raisyour middle finger!!!

Today I’m feeling…

Like a million bucks. In high spirits – Friday throws glitter on life in a way unexplainable. Kinda wierd seeing that I only had 5hours of sleep…I’m a natural nocturnal; if reincarnation is for real, I think I will be back as an owl. Now let me translate this into labour and earn my pay (will end month get here already!!!!!)

On this weekend…

Got work tomorrow…..AGAIN. So I’m steering off the noisy dark rooms this evening.so, kim and your kind(evans,gee,shee), don’t call me! Leo ni kahawa na movie jioni!!!!

I’m craving…..

As stupid and silly as this may sound, I forgot to buy PK in the morning and my mouth feels wired!!! I need to chew something(it helps me fight the urge to talk too much..Cinnamon is my chew of choice.

I wouldn’t mind a freshly roasted nyama choma for  supper either…

nyama_choma

I just wish…..

That morality grow on branches and those who are genetically predisposed to being immoral would just pick a few leaves/fruits or just chew on the damn bark and get realigned…enough said…..

At Joliea…did I get it right this time round????

Words  of ispiration…

  1. When tomorrows YES WE CAN is backed by yesterdays YES WE DID, confidence and competence start feeding off each other……
  2. When your mind goes blank, please remember to turn off the sound…..