random thoughts of a tapered brain

Posts tagged “International Criminal Court

Don’t Drop The Soap, William


moreno - imma getchu



Riley Freeman, we need you. We have a snitch amongst us. The name of the transgressor is Stepped Aside Minister William Ruto (MP).

I have friends who had sworn they would grow horns before Ruto steps on Ocampo’s hallowed ground. Others swore that it would only happen in the distant future – 300 years at the least. Well, the unthinkable happened; dude is in Netherlands.

Cue Shaggy’s song…..It wasn’t me. For those of you on Twirra, check out the hash tag #rutoplaylist. It’s been trending worldwide since morning. I think Kenya is the cradle of (crazy) mankind. Check it out.

There is this pungent smell of revolution, national cleansing and a renewed fight against corruption that has filled our airspace. This is me NOT COMPLAINING.  Our president Kibaki believes those who “eat” the taxpayers’ money are wasting oxygen. He thinks death is the most generous punishment they can get…hmmmm. (Random thoughts of opening a coffin business)

I totally love this “new Kenya” – except the retarded women who performed an equally retarded, possessed dance for PLO in Mombasa. No, Lumumba does not do crazy. He prefers letters and emails. Get ua sane on women…you make the rest of your kind look bad.

It was an open secret that Waki’s envelope had Williams name as the stamp and seal.  He was going to see the big man even if Rooney actually left Manchester and joined some nondescript team like chelsea. But everybody was caught flat with his latest move.

He just up and left.

Mr Ruto, who does that, weren’t you taught better? People don’t just shift countries like thieves. Ata kwaheri jameni!!  There is a huge chance this is a one way trip!

When interrogating suspects, policemen usually assume two opposing roles; good cop and bad cop.

Bad cop does all the chest-thumping and dishing out threats in their hundreds. An occasional slap and kick here and there is also not strange. If this doesn’t work, the Good cop enters the room, tells off Mr I will-blend-your-balls–if-you-don’t-tell-me-where-you-hid-the-gun and then in a calm, saner tone reassures the shaken fellow that all will be ok.

This is the guy William Ruto is talking to. The good cop still cuffs the bloke after he confesses. The only difference is that he is more humane in his tactics.

What in Ocampo’s face resembles good intention, honestly? Especially that picture that’s used repeatedly in the dailies with him staring (at some distant image of Ruto in cuffs) away seemingly in deep thought.

The hidden hand has cuffs with your name engraved in them)

I have met snitches in my life. I have been accused of being one, that was way back in high school. Silly young men!

But you Sir, not once did not come across as a tello-teller (that’s not a real word), ever! But as they say, nothing on the face can reveal the fullness of the heart.

Here is free advice from a man who has not been to Hague and holds not aspirations of occupying the white house on the hill. Ocampo is your enemy! Moreno is your nemesis! He will smoke you! He will take you to the cleaners and back! Take the next flight home and say that you were recalled for CIVIC DUTY! (it always works)

Hold up, I don’t like you. So I should be happy that in your twisted way of defining danger, you skipped Moreno. SMH.

Secondly, the PEV affected many innocent Kenyans whose only crime was having voters’ cards. I should be happy.

Ok, engage happy face , cue star jumps, cat wheels next. Woooohoo. (I should go back to work, hii leave itaniharibu)

Reason and the left side of my brain dictate that everybody is presumed/assumed to be innocent until proven guilty – unless you’re Onyancha of course.

So, go ahead and have your secret meeting with the wolf in sheep’s clothing (Sheep wear clothes?), just make sure you don’t stay too far away from the door.

In case he make sudden moves forward, RUN and don’t look back, you might turn into a pillar headed straight for lockdown. If this happens, DON’T DROP THE SOAP, Charles Taylor is on block D; BEFRIEND HIM, but don’t accept his diamonds. In case you do, DO NOT DROP THE SOAP!!!


dont drop the soap



Also, tap the floor before taking steps forward. I hear Ocampo is a tech-junkie; I wouldn’t put trap doors and underground chambers beyond him.

That’s all for now, Mister Snitch, sorry Minister Stepped Aside William Ruto.

Signed, the fan you do not have!

Back to the #rutoplaylist



Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.”

If you are into meaningless debates and abuse of intelligence, politics is a good place to rest. I have always insisted that politicians have the unenviable task of tarnishing the value of brains and IQ. What else other than the lowest form of stupidity would warrant the foreign ministry to invite al-Bashir.

bashir cartoon

The guy has been indicted of crimes against humanity and is a walking example of what not to do to your fellow humans. When one assumes the highest level of leadership in the form of presidency, the question “where does the buck stop?” is answered by an emphatic “at your feet, sir!!”

Here is a man to whom pride and dignity rank highest on his priority list and is known for angry public outbursts especially when he feels that his healthy ego has been pricked. He midwives the Darfur war, financing the Arab militia (Janjaweed) leading to deaths of Hundreds of thousands of Sudanese.

janjaweed on horseback

And he comes in strolling to our big party. I was at work on #promfriday and I could swear I heard enough jaws hit the floor. Dude could even afford a smile; and it looked genuine!

you cant touch me smile???

The arguments i have heard so far for and against his visit….

There is a huge majority out there who don’t give an oink if it was Osama and his generals who had gate crushed our rebirth party. To them, politics is just one winding game of wits and changing opinions and which does not interest them at all. To that lot; I have no idea why you have read this third-rate post thus far.

Amos Kimunya was in battle mode yesterday as he defended the visit. Last time I saw him in such a knot was when he managed to cheat death and resign. There he was at a press conference (instead of having a relaxed Sunday outing with family) telling us to put our gratitude caps and commend Omar’s visit for taking a very huge risk flying in to share in our joy. Who said we wanted him to come in the first place?

That dais should have been reserved for the president, the political enigma, the CEO members and the IIEC chairman (if only for the emotional speech he gave on referendum night) the rest of them were bored Africans looking for an exciting way to while away their Friday; how else would you explain the Comoros president being around I didn’t know “international ties” exist between our countries.

My good friend Adam was next with a moral salvo; questioning why Kenyans have taken the vantage point in this debate, staying clear off the murky land below littered with memories of the PEV when we almost ran the country into the ground over elections gone blurry. The two scenarios are as different as chalk and cheese. Ours was a war based feeding off tribal hatred while for them it’s about traditional conflict over resources, which has been coated with claims of marginalization between the north and the south.

Sure, we murdered our neighbors like small irritant bugs, but that does not mean now that our moral template was formatted and that we not speak against similar atrocities as ours. It’s always said that you may never really know the value of peace until you experience war. Now that we got our fingers burned, we should use our charred fingers to point at all wrongs. And Bashir is a wrong; a waste of functioning organs I dare say.


It beats simple logic and reason to sign a document and then go ahead to break it even before the ink dries. The reasoning that we owe our neighbors respect and they are partners in regional stability is as close to diplomatic tittle-tattle as you will get. By assenting to the Rome statutes, that piece of legislative was entrenched in our constitution and as such is superior to the AU one that our divided government is hiding behind-that dissuades member countries from arresting the warlord. After all, no law is supreme to the law of the land.

This matter would have best been avoided by not inviting him in the first place, or do it and then at the last hour inform him that info has leaked in that Ocampo’s squad has set up camp in his anticipation. He would have stayed put in his oily country. Now instead of discussing the so-christened second republic, we are involved in debates on the morality of inviting this war guru. Whoever advises our president on some issues should stop three bullets and die in a pool of blood; nah, make that 5 bullets – the extra ones are just because we can. NO ONE MAN SHOULD HAVE ALL THIS POWER…….


Have a great week guys………………………..