…THE TIME TRAVELER’S SON…

Step into a time machine and spin off into time- backward please. This 2055 business is getting clichéd faster than the word Constitution. We stop our back flips on Friday, lets say March of ’96 – randomness is intoxicating.

I was still struggling with primary school then. The subject called mathematics was my main concern (and how girls perceive me…good times. where did Asha Jama go to?) adolescence:- the swampy, murky place between innate dependence and power!!

BODMAS was my greatest fear. In retrospect, arithmetic and Toyota have something in common – they should all be recalled. And while they are at it take YOGA with you too – useless concepts. Only useful counting is when money is involved, the rest should be reserved for Aristotle or whoever thought it up. and in this case, the notes/coins are still less than the numbers i have at my disposal. i could count till 1 friggin million..so much for arithmetic!!

My normal day was devoid of traffic jams and noisy matatus. Back then high decibel music deliberately installed into cars (that already had preinstalled radios) was as known to us as the size of Osama’s foot. Now, the blaring speakers attack my oval window with unrepentant force!! im conducting poll soon to figure out how many meru drivers have infiltrated the city routes..terming them as horrendous is being polite.

Daudi kabaka and Les Wanyika were all I would listen to as I dress up in some not-so-beautiful uniform – the whole shorts thing in lower school was torture – how did my sibling in starehe boys survive…tortured souls. Our father and mother station – KBC English service was our daily rooster with some drab playback tune that clung onto us for years. Mom loved those songs. Guess they were ‘skip to my loo’ and ‘gully creepas’ of her hey days. And mom can dance!!!! in case your wondering which part of the 3rd world i cut my teeth in..the windy city of nyeri..rest your questions.

Presently, I wake up to explicit debates on matters horizontal. Switch between stations and sex attacks your from all directions.(not to be taken literally). After waking up at 5.30am – forcing myself to wake up- I am still drowsy and missing my blankets already. Maina and his hormonal colleagues spare no time in taking me back to matters of the bedroom. Seems sanity is not a free frequency. This reminds me of an op/ed I chanced upon in a LEADING (this is me NOT being biased) newspaper…… http://www.nation.co.ke/oped/Opinion/Sex%20talk%20%20on%20radio%20disturbing/-/440808/937624/-/ifj177z/-/index.html. And which sane human calls in to have some of this pedestrian “experts” solve their issues?

start quote.. Kenyans have peculiar calling habits..end quote..the authentic M.J. different context but still applies.

So I get to work and though Mr Gathara is not present to try instil some much needed knowledge (it not apparent till much later in life), or Mrs Njoroge trying to convert me into a african wyclef jean with all the crochets and f-clef hulla, the day still has its sizeable share of challenges. The keyboard is my canvas and as long as the man in the LONG room upstairs is crediting me with notes, imma paint on with my tool of choice…WORDS!

As the day proceeds based on the set template, it’s not long before im back in the monstrous vehicles, back in the same jams.

There no playground to go to and play one touch with. Nay, all I can think of is a cold drink and the couch- or my bed. Usually at 4pm back in the foggy past, my energy levels were at an all-day high. Now my pistons are misfiring akin to our waka waka teams.

No after-class chats with girls. Technically this can still happen, but at an extra cost and usually in the company of weirdly named coffee concoctions (cappuccino though sounds nice) Back then I didn’t even own a wallet to get deflated. There was actually a time in my life where money did not matter? Sleep was my main concern! Good ol days.

Talking of matters slumber; is it just me or are the nights shorter than they usually were back then. 11pm gets here so damn fast and 5.30 am much faster!!! Dang, growing up is a bummer. Ha.

..MY NOTEPAD…

• It’s so stupidly cold!! Wow!!!
• Backing Slovakia for the world cup trophy……………unless Ghana players grow advanced feet and score.
• Stupid update today—–never look down on your Workmates; unless you have a clear view of the Cleavage. “alibaba”